Parenting Insights from The Anxious Generation

Each year, parents at Lorien Wood are invited to embrace lifelong learning by participating in a summer reading book alongside our faculty. This year, we delved into Jonathan Haidt’s latest book, The Anxious Generation.

As a long-time Lorien Wood parent, I found Haidt's book both encouraging and challenging. I was uplifted to see that many of Haidt's recommendations align with practices Lorien Wood has embraced since our inception 20 years ago. Our family was drawn to Lorien Wood not only for its rigorous academics, like teaching Latin and cursive writing, but also for its emphasis on play. From the beginning, Lorien Wood has prioritized unstructured recess as essential to learning, fostering creative, imaginative, and relational play—just as Haidt recommends. There were even times when beloved kickball games were set aside to allow for more student-directed, less-structured play. 

Lorien Wood has also always allowed students to take risks—another essential aspect of childhood development highlighted by Haidt. Playing with sticks and climbing high into trees has been part of my children’s experience since day one. As the school’s outdoor learning program grew, “loose parts” found on our beautiful property became integral to nurturing creativity and innovation (page 258). 

Additionally, Lorien Wood’s intentional limitations on technology and phone-free school days are key components of its educational philosophy. Haidt strongly argues that the constant pull of the virtual world diminishes real community and belonging, while increasing anxiety. I am deeply grateful that my children have been able to learn in an environment that fosters real connections and minimizes the distractions and stress of the virtual world.

Reading The Anxious Generation reassured me that by sending my children to Lorien Wood, I was already taking one of the best steps to counteract the mental health crisis and educational development delays affecting this generation.

However, I was also challenged by how much more we, as parents, can do. First, as it becomes increasingly difficult to enforce screen limits—due to more devices, more of my kids’ friends having devices at younger ages, and the temptation to allow screens as life gets busier—The Anxious Generation reinforced the importance of standing firm. The benefits of limiting screen time are even greater than I realized. As parents, we can support each other in setting expectations among our kids' peer groups, agreeing to keep screens out of playdates, and delaying smartphones until high school. So far, we’ve had some success in limiting social media well into the late teen years, but I’ve already encountered parents of my 10-year-old’s friends outside of Lorien Wood who plan to give their kids smartphones as early as 12—much younger than Haidt recommends.

Second, I realized I needed to encourage boldness in my more risk-averse children. Some of my kids naturally take more risks, while others do not. While I’ve allowed risk-taking when asked, I haven’t been proactive in encouraging it. This summer, after some coaxing, I got my 10-year-old to ride his bike around the neighborhood and to his friend’s house by himself (and without a way for me to contact him directly).

Third, I was challenged to facilitate more free play and create “playborhoods” (page 274) for my younger kids. I want their default activity to be playing outside with friends rather than asking for screen time.

Finally, I was challenged to rely more on my teens at home for the functioning of our household. This won’t be easy, but I want to instill a stronger work ethic and greater thoughtfulness in my teens.

There are many things parents can do to help the Anxious Generation. Sending (or continuing to send) your children to Lorien Wood is one of the best ways to help them thrive. Even those of us already committed to this path can enhance our efforts by coming together to limit the negative effects of technology and encourage playfulness in our children's lives, further supporting the work of Lorien Wood.

View our complete list of suggested parent reading here.